If you’re entertaining family, plan ahead to ensure it’s drama-free.
Family gatherings during the holidays can be magical, filled with laughter, warmth, and memories that last a lifetime. But as much as we all hope for that Hallmark moment, reality can sometimes bring a fair share of tension, awkward moments, and unexpected drama. If you’ve found yourself dreading rather than looking forward to these events, you’re not alone. A little preparation and a shift in mindset can make all the difference between a day you cherish and one you can’t wait to forget.
1. Start with Clear Expectations, or Prepare for Chaos
Nothing derails a gathering faster than confusion about who’s doing what and when. If you don’t clearly communicate plans and responsibilities, you’re almost guaranteeing last-minute frustrations, hurt feelings, or worse, total meltdowns. A simple group text or email outlining the time, place, food assignments, and general flow of the day can work wonders to head off misunderstandings.
Setting clear expectations isn’t about being controlling—it’s about creating a smoother experience for everyone involved, according to Kevin Eikenberry in his article. Most people appreciate knowing what’s expected of them. You’ll reduce stress, increase cooperation, and set a tone of respect and thoughtfulness before the first guest even arrives. Trust me, a little clarity goes a long way.
2. Don’t Invite Trouble—Literally
We all have that one relative who seems to thrive on chaos and stirring the pot. As much as it might go against your natural instinct to be inclusive, you are absolutely allowed to prioritize your own peace, as stated by Rachel Ehmke at Child Mind Institute. If someone’s history suggests they’ll cause disruption, think carefully about whether including them is worth the risk.
This doesn’t have to mean cutting ties forever or creating a dramatic scene. You can choose to organize a smaller, more intimate gathering without them, or invite them to a separate, more casual event where tensions will be less high. Protecting your peace isn’t selfish—it’s healthy.
3. Limit Alcohol Before Things Get Heated
A couple of glasses of wine can loosen everyone up in the best way, but it can also open the door to emotional outbursts, arguments, and regrettable comments if you’re not careful. Alcohol has a sneaky way of magnifying existing tensions, and it’s much harder to keep things light when emotions are fueled by booze.
Setting the tone with plenty of non-alcoholic options like festive mocktails, hot cider, or flavored sparkling water can help a lot. You can also plan activities that don’t center around drinking, keeping the focus on connection and fun instead of just refilling glasses, experts at The University of Utah mentioned. Trust me—your future self will thank you.
4. Have Conversation Starters Ready to Defuse Tense Moments
Even the most well-meaning families can hit conversational landmines during gatherings. Having a few light, engaging topics ready to throw into the mix can work like magic to steer everyone away from dangerous waters. It’s a simple tool, but it can completely change the vibe of the room.
Think of asking about a funny childhood memory, a favorite holiday tradition, or even everyone’s dream vacation. Topics that are positive, inclusive, and nostalgic can help reset the mood quickly when tensions rise. Being prepared isn’t just smart—it’s often the difference between an awkward silence and a room full of laughter.
5. Separate the Feuding Factions Before Sparks Fly
You already know who doesn’t get along—this isn’t the time to test their maturity or hope for a Christmas miracle. Be strategic with seating arrangements and activity planning to minimize opportunities for conflict. A little thoughtful placement can make a world of difference.
Maybe keep your outspoken uncle on the opposite side of the room from your sensitive cousin. Or plan group games and seating that naturally mix personalities who get along better. Proximity can either fuel conflict or foster peace. Choose peace every time.
6. Keep Your Opinions to Yourself—or Get Ready for a Fight
Holidays are emotional enough without dragging polarizing topics into the mix. As tempting as it might be to finally air your views on politics, religion, or that controversial family issue, just don’t. It’s rarely productive and almost never worth the fallout it creates.
If someone else tries to bait you into a debate, remember you don’t owe anyone an opinion. Politely steer the conversation elsewhere, or simply excuse yourself if things start to heat up. Protecting your energy is the real gift you give yourself and everyone else.
7. Offer Activities to Keep Everyone Busy and Engaged
A house full of people sitting around with nothing to do is a recipe for tension. Idle minds drift toward grievances and old resentments faster than you think. That’s why having easy, low-stress activities planned can be a game-changer for your gathering.
Consider simple group games, a holiday movie marathon, or even casual outdoor activities like a walk or backyard games. When people are actively engaged, they’re much less likely to slip into negativity or conflict. Plus, shared activities create new, happier memories to hold onto.
8. Have a Backup Plan When the Unexpected Happens
Despite your best efforts, something will go wrong—and that’s okay. The turkey might burn. Someone might bring an uninvited guest. Or maybe it rains when you planned for outdoor activities. Flexibility is your secret weapon against holiday stress.
If you can laugh at the mishaps and stay lighthearted, you set the tone for everyone else to do the same. Have some quick backup ideas ready, like ordering pizza if dinner flops, or moving the party inside if the weather changes. A resilient, positive attitude makes all the difference.
9. Let Go of Perfection or It Will Ruin Your Day
No matter how much you plan, the perfect gathering doesn’t exist. Something will inevitably be out of place, someone will say something awkward, or a dish won’t turn out just right. Clinging to an impossible standard only steals your joy and increases everyone else’s stress.
Embrace the imperfection as part of the experience. When you can laugh at the burnt cookies or the forgotten cranberry sauce, you create a lighter atmosphere where people can relax. Remember, the goal is connection, not perfection—and that’s what everyone will remember most.
10. Address Long-Standing Grudges Before They Explode
If there’s tension simmering between you and another family member, don’t fool yourself into thinking it won’t surface at a high-stress gathering. Emotional undercurrents have a way of erupting at the worst possible times if left unaddressed.
Have the difficult conversations before the event, if possible. It doesn’t mean you have to fix everything perfectly, but even a small clearing of the air can reduce tension dramatically. Healing conversations are gifts you give yourself—and everyone else at the table.
11. Keep Kids Entertained or Risk Total Mayhem
Children don’t have the patience or social skills to sit quietly for hours. If they’re bored, they’ll act out—and that can quickly turn your gathering into chaos. Planning a dedicated space or activities for the kids can make a world of difference.
Set up crafts, a holiday movie area, or simple games to keep them occupied. Happy, busy kids mean happier, more relaxed adults. Plus, the kids will look back fondly on gatherings where they felt included and entertained, not scolded and sidelined.
12. Don’t Take Everything Personally—It’s Not About You
Someone’s sour mood or offhand comment might sting, but chances are, it has little to do with you. Holidays can bring up a lot of complex emotions for people, and sometimes they lash out because they’re stressed, overwhelmed, or hurting.
Choosing not to internalize others’ bad moods protects your peace and keeps you from spiraling into unnecessary conflict. When you can smile, shrug it off, and keep your own energy steady, you help anchor the entire gathering in calmness and grace.
13. End the Gathering Before Things Go South
Even the best holiday events have a natural expiration time. Don’t let your party drag on past the point where people get tired, cranky, or too tipsy. Knowing when to wrap things up gracefully is a crucial part of preserving good memories.
Set a soft end time when you send out the invitation, or start gradually winding things down after dessert or a final group activity. Leaving while everyone’s still happy ensures your gathering will be remembered warmly—and leaves everyone excited for the next one.