This is how parents-in-law unknowingly sabotage marriages, ruin family bonds, and ensure they’re never welcome again.
You might think you’re the perfect parent-in-law, but are you really? It’s easier than you’d expect to cross boundaries, create tension, or even wreck your relationship with your child’s spouse. The truth is, good intentions aren’t enough.
To keep the peace—and your family close—make sure you’re not guilty of these 13 toxic habits that no good parent-in-law would dare do.
1. You Criticize Their Parenting Choices, Even Subtly
No parent wants to feel judged, especially by their in-laws. Whether it’s about screen time, discipline, or bedtime routines, keep your opinions to yourself unless they ask. Even then, tread lightly. Your “helpful advice” could come across as meddling or judgmental, and nothing builds resentment faster than feeling undermined.
2. You Expect to Be Their Top Priority—Always
Your child and their spouse have their own life, and it doesn’t revolve around you. Constantly demanding their time or feeling hurt when plans don’t include you puts unnecessary strain on their relationship. Give them space to grow as a couple without guilt-tripping them for living their lives.
3. You Play Favorites with the Grandkids
Treating one grandchild better than another might not seem like a big deal to you, but trust me, they’ll notice—and so will their parents. Whether it’s giving one kid extra attention or more gifts, it creates tension faster than you can say “family drama.”
4. You Offer Unsolicited Advice About Their Marriage
No one wants you poking around in their relationship. Even if you think you’re being helpful, pointing out what they should or shouldn’t be doing as a couple will only make things awkward. Unless they specifically ask, steer clear of giving marriage tips.
5. You Drop By Unannounced Like It’s No Big Deal
Surprise visits might seem sweet, but they can be intrusive. Respect their boundaries by calling ahead or waiting for an invite. The last thing they need is to feel like they can’t relax in their own home without worrying about unexpected company.
6. You Gossip About Them to Other Family Members
Talking about your child and their spouse behind their back is a surefire way to destroy trust. Whether you’re venting to other relatives or sharing private details, it’s hurtful and disrespectful. Keep family matters where they belong—within the family itself.
7. You Act Like Holidays Are All About You
If you insist every holiday has to be spent your way, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Families grow and traditions change. Be flexible and open to compromise, or you’ll risk turning what should be a joyful season into a battle of the wills.
8. You Give Backhanded Compliments That Sting
Saying things like “Oh, you finally learned to cook!” or “Your house looks nice for once” isn’t clever—it’s rude. Even if you think you’re being funny, those digs can hurt feelings and make people dread being around you. Stick to genuine, kind words.
9. You Ignore Their Boundaries Because “Family Shouldn’t Have Boundaries”
Boundaries aren’t about keeping you out—they’re about creating healthy relationships. Dismissing their need for space or overstepping limits will only push them further away. Respect what they’ve asked for, and you’ll be more likely to stay close.
10. You Use Money or Gifts as a Weapon
Offering financial help or extravagant gifts with strings attached is manipulative, even if you don’t see it that way. Your generosity shouldn’t come with expectations or guilt trips. If you’re giving something, do it with no conditions attached—or don’t do it at all.
11. You Compare Them to Your Other Children (or In-Laws)
No one wants to hear how much better their sibling or another in-law is at something. Comparisons breed resentment and make people feel like they’re not good enough. Celebrate their unique qualities instead of holding them to someone else’s standard.
12. You Refuse to Let Go of Old Grudges
If you’re still holding onto something that happened years ago, it’s time to move on. Harboring resentment will only poison the relationship. Forgive, forget, and focus on building a better future together. Life’s too short to keep dragging the past into the present.
13. You Act Like Your Way Is the Only Way
Whether it’s how you cook, clean, or handle family traditions, insisting your way is the best (or only) way alienates people. Your child’s spouse has their own way of doing things, and that’s okay. Let go of the need to control and enjoy the differences instead.