Your adult children don’t value your opinions anymore—here’s the brutal truth behind it.
There was a time when your kids hung on your every word. They asked for your advice, valued your wisdom, and seemed to care about what you thought. But now? They barely listen. Conversations feel one-sided, your input is brushed off, and when you share your opinions, they either roll their eyes or change the subject. It’s frustrating, confusing, and—if you’re honest—deeply hurtful. If they’ve stopped listening, these 12 reasons might explain why.
1. You give advice when they didn’t ask for it, and it drives them away.
It’s natural to want to help your kids, especially when you see them struggling or making choices that seem questionable. You’ve lived longer, made mistakes, and learned valuable lessons. But here’s the hard truth: if they didn’t ask for your advice, they probably don’t want it, says Judith Tutin, Ph.D., in an article for Medium. Even if your intentions are good, unsolicited opinions can feel like criticism.
To them, it might seem like you don’t trust their ability to handle their own life. Instead of feeling supported, they feel like they’re constantly being corrected. Over time, this makes them shut down. They may stop sharing details about their struggles, not because they don’t have problems, but because they don’t want another lecture.
2. They don’t respect you as an equal adult, and it shows in how they talk to you.
Not every adult child sees their parent as someone with valuable insights. They may even disapprove of you and your opinions, as Honey Good shares on her blog. Some feel like they’ve outgrown your opinions or that you don’t understand their world. In their mind, they might view you as someone from a past generation whose ideas are outdated or irrelevant. Instead of engaging with what you have to say, they dismiss it before even considering whether it holds any truth.
This can be frustrating because you still see yourself as a person with experience and wisdom to share. No matter how much the world has changed, some things about human nature, relationships, and personal growth remain the same. If they won’t even listen, it may be less about what you’re saying and more about their unwillingness to acknowledge that you still have valuable perspectives.
3. You still treat them like they’re kids, and it’s insulting.
It’s hard to shift from seeing your children as, well, children, to recognizing them as full-fledged adults. But if you talk down to them, question their decisions like they’re teenagers, or act as if they can’t handle their own lives, they’ll pull away. You are “infantilizing” them when you do this, according to staff writers at BetterHelp. No grown adult wants to feel like their parent still sees them as a clueless kid.
Your adult children want respect. They want to feel like equals in the relationship, not like someone who constantly needs your oversight. The more you acknowledge their independence and trust their choices, the more likely they are to value your input. But if you keep treating them as if they’re incapable of thinking for themselves, they’ll tune you out completely.
4. They avoid uncomfortable conversations because they don’t want to feel guilty.
Sometimes, it’s not about what you say—it’s about what they don’t want to hear. Riki Urban shares critical insights on her site WeSpot related to adult child guilt. Your adult child might avoid deeper conversations because they feel bad about certain things: not visiting enough, not calling often, or making life choices they know you wouldn’t approve of. Instead of facing those topics, they keep conversations light, short, or distant.
When people feel guilty, they often distance themselves rather than address the discomfort. It’s easier to avoid certain discussions than to acknowledge that they might be disappointing you. If they shut down when serious topics come up, it might be because they’re carrying guilt they don’t want to confront.
5. Your opinions feel outdated, and they don’t think you understand their world.
The world your kids are navigating is vastly different from the one you grew up in. Technology, social norms, politics, relationships—everything has evolved. If your advice is rooted in how things “used to be,” it may not resonate with them at all. When they hear opinions that seem disconnected from their reality, they assume you don’t understand their challenges.
This doesn’t mean your wisdom is worthless, but it does mean you may need to adapt. Instead of dismissing their world as “too different,” try asking more questions. Show genuine interest in how things work for them today. When they feel like you’re making an effort to understand, they’re more likely to respect your perspective in return.
6. They think they know better than you, even when they don’t.
A lot of young and middle-aged adults have a phase where they believe they’ve got life all figured out. They may think that because they’re more familiar with modern trends, technology, or societal shifts, they’re automatically more informed about everything. This can lead to an attitude where they dismiss older perspectives, assuming they’re outdated or irrelevant.
What they don’t realize is that while times change, human nature doesn’t. Relationships, resilience, and personal growth follow patterns that transcend generations. But if they’re in a stage where they believe they’re always right, they may ignore your opinions just because they come from you, regardless of how insightful they actually are.
7. You criticize their choices instead of supporting them.
Even if you don’t mean to be critical, your adult child might feel like you’re constantly judging them. Maybe you don’t approve of their career, their parenting style, their relationship, or even the way they spend their money. If every conversation is laced with disapproval, they’ll naturally start avoiding your opinions altogether.
No one wants to feel like they have to defend their life choices every time they talk to a parent. If they sense that every interaction comes with an undercurrent of critique, they’ll start keeping their distance. Encouragement and respect go a long way—when they feel safe sharing their world with you, they’ll actually want to hear what you think.
8. They only engage in relationships that make them feel validated.
Some adult children surround themselves with people who never challenge them. If they’re used to being told they’re always right, any input that pushes them to think critically or reconsider their choices might feel unwelcome. Rather than viewing your perspectives as helpful, they may see them as unnecessary criticism—even when they’re full of truth.
This mindset leads them to distance themselves from anyone who holds them accountable or encourages them to see things differently. If your relationship is strained, it might be because they aren’t willing to engage in conversations that require self-reflection or personal growth.
9. You talk at them instead of with them.
Some parents dominate conversations without even realizing it. If your interactions feel more like lectures than discussions, your adult kids may disengage. They want conversations that feel mutual, not one-sided dialogues where they’re simply expected to listen.
A good conversation involves both people feeling heard. If you find yourself doing most of the talking, pause and invite their thoughts. Ask them about their experiences, opinions, and insights. When they feel like their voice matters, they’ll be more open to hearing yours.
10. They say they’re too busy to prioritize deeper conversations.
Many adult children get wrapped up in their own world—careers, relationships, raising kids, or just navigating life’s responsibilities. They may feel like they simply don’t have time for long, meaningful discussions with you. Because they see their time as limited, they focus on what feels most urgent, and sometimes, that means your conversations get pushed to the side.
While their life might feel hectic, that doesn’t mean they can’t make time—it just means they aren’t prioritizing it. If they truly valued your insights, they’d find a way to listen. Sometimes, the real issue isn’t time at all—it’s whether or not they see your opinions as worth making time for.
11. You don’t acknowledge their growth and independence.
Your child isn’t the same person they were at 15, 25, or even 35. If you still talk to them as if they haven’t evolved, they’ll find it frustrating. They want to be recognized for who they are now, not constantly reminded of who they used to be.
Respecting their autonomy means treating them as an equal rather than someone who still needs to be parented. The more you acknowledge their growth, the more they’ll value your presence in their lives.
12. They don’t really listen, so they’ve stopped talking.
If your adult child has felt unheard for years, they may have simply stopped trying. When conversations feel one-sided, when their words don’t seem to matter, or when they feel like they’re just waiting for their turn to talk, they’ll naturally withdraw.
Listening isn’t just about hearing words—it’s about understanding, asking thoughtful questions, and making someone feel valued. When they sense you genuinely care about their thoughts, they’ll be far more open to yours.