These game-changing traits separate couples who thrive from those who divorce.
The kids move out, the house gets quieter, and suddenly, it’s just the two of you again. For some couples, this is a rewarding new chapter. For others, it’s the beginning of a slow drift apart. Raising kids can put a marriage on autopilot, and once they’re gone, what’s left can feel unfamiliar—or even empty.
But some couples don’t just survive the empty nest years—they thrive. Their marriages stay strong, connected, and even more fulfilling. What’s their secret? It’s not luck. The strongest couples who make it through this transition successfully all share certain key traits. Do you?
1. They genuinely like each other as people.
Love is important, but after the kids move out, liking your spouse as a person makes all the difference. These couples enjoy each other’s company beyond their roles as parents, per a study by Eunjin Lee Tracy et al. published by the National Library of Medicine. They don’t just co-exist under the same roof; they genuinely have fun together, share inside jokes, and appreciate each other’s quirks.
They know how to talk for hours without running out of things to say and feel at ease in each other’s presence, even in silence. When the kids leave, what remains is the raw foundation of the relationship. If that foundation is built on true friendship, the marriage not only survives—it thrives.
2. They prioritize each other over everything else.
Life is busy, and for years, the kids took center stage. But couples who keep their marriage strong after the nest is empty make a conscious effort to put each other first, says Mel Robbins in an article for Success. They don’t let work, hobbies, or even their grown children’s problems take precedence over their relationship.
Instead, they carve out quality time together, plan date nights, and ensure their connection remains the most important relationship in their lives. It’s not about neglecting responsibilities—it’s about maintaining the bond that started it all. They understand that a lasting marriage isn’t just built on love, but on consistent effort and daily choices to stay close.
3. They keep their sense of humor.
Marriage, like life, comes with ups and downs. The couples who make it through the long haul don’t just survive the rough patches; they laugh their way through them, according to clinical psychologist Enrico Gnaulati writing for Psyche. They find humor in each other’s quirks, laugh off small annoyances, and don’t let stress steal their joy.
Whether it’s cracking jokes about growing older together, teasing in a loving way, or simply not sweating the small stuff, humor keeps their relationship light and enjoyable. Laughter isn’t just a temporary mood booster—it’s a powerful glue that holds a marriage together, making even the hardest days a little easier.
4. They have interests beyond their kids.
For years, parenting consumed their time, energy, and focus. But couples who remain strong don’t let their entire identity revolve around being “Mom” and “Dad.” They nurture their own passions, hobbies, and personal growth, both individually and as a couple, states Cassandra Conradie writing for Medium. Maybe they’ve developed a love for travel, taken up gardening, joined a book club, or started a side business together.
They find things that excite them outside of parenting, ensuring their life remains full and meaningful even after the kids leave. This keeps their relationship from feeling stagnant and helps them continue growing together rather than drifting apart.
5. They communicate instead of avoiding problems.
Avoiding difficult conversations might keep the peace temporarily, but over time, it erodes the foundation of a marriage. Couples who stay strong in the empty nest years don’t let unspoken frustrations pile up. They talk through issues instead of ignoring them. Whether it’s adjusting to more time together, redefining intimacy, or managing differing retirement plans, they address things head-on.
They don’t assume their partner can read their mind or expect problems to resolve themselves. Instead, they express their needs, listen with empathy, and work through disagreements constructively. Their communication isn’t just about talking—it’s about understanding each other.
6. They still flirt with each other.
Romance doesn’t have to fade with time—it just needs to be nurtured. Couples who keep their marriage alive after the kids leave never stop flirting. They send playful texts, compliment each other, hold hands in public, and sneak in a quick kiss in the kitchen. It’s not about grand romantic gestures; it’s about maintaining that spark in the little moments.
Flirting isn’t just for young couples—it’s a way to show affection, keep things fun, and remind each other that the attraction is still there. When romance is an ongoing effort, the relationship never feels old—it feels exciting.
7. They embrace change instead of fighting it.
Life after kids is a whole new chapter, and couples who make it work don’t resist change—they welcome it. They understand that routines will shift, conversations will evolve, and new opportunities will arise. Instead of longing for the past or fearing what’s ahead, they adapt together.
Some move to a new city, others take up new hobbies, and many redefine their roles within the marriage. They see the empty nest years as a time for growth, adventure, and rediscovery rather than a loss. Change isn’t something they dread—it’s something they navigate side by side.
8. They give each other space when needed.
Being together doesn’t mean being attached at the hip. Couples who stay happy in long-term marriages understand the importance of having their own time and interests. Maybe one enjoys golfing while the other prefers yoga. Perhaps one loves reading while the other enjoys working on DIY projects. They don’t feel threatened by their partner’s independence; instead, they encourage it.
Having personal space isn’t a sign of distance—it’s a sign of respect. And when they come back together after some time apart, they have new experiences to share, making their conversations richer and their bond even stronger.
9. They continue to grow individually and as a couple.
A stagnant marriage is a struggling marriage. Couples who keep their relationship strong never stop growing. They set new goals, explore new interests, and continue evolving as individuals. But they also grow together—learning new things, traveling to new places, and deepening their connection in ways they never had time for before.
These couples don’t just coast through life; they actively seek out experiences that keep their relationship fresh and exciting. Whether it’s taking a dance class, starting a small business, or simply learning from each other’s wisdom, they understand that personal and shared growth keeps a marriage thriving.
10. They don’t rely on their kids to fill their emotional needs.
Some parents struggle when their children grow up because they’ve used them as an emotional crutch. Couples who maintain a strong marriage don’t fall into this trap. They love their children deeply, but they don’t expect them to be their main source of emotional fulfillment.
They confide in each other, support each other, and maintain their own sense of happiness outside of their role as parents. Their marriage remains their primary partnership, ensuring that when their kids move on with their own lives, they aren’t left feeling empty or disconnected.
11. They forgive easily instead of keeping score.
Marriage isn’t a competition, and couples who last don’t keep a tally of who’s right and who’s wrong. They choose forgiveness over resentment and grace over grudges. They understand that their partner isn’t perfect—because neither are they. Instead of rehashing old arguments or bringing up past mistakes, they focus on moving forward.
For these couples, forgiveness isn’t about letting someone off the hook—it’s about keeping their marriage free from unnecessary bitterness. By prioritizing peace over pride, they create a relationship built on understanding rather than resentment.
12. They see each other as partners, not just spouses.
The strongest marriages aren’t just about love—they’re about teamwork. These couples don’t just exist together; they work together, dream together, and support each other through everything. They celebrate each other’s successes, pick each other up during hard times, and always have each other’s backs.
They don’t compete, undermine, or dismiss each other’s contributions. Instead, they approach life as a team, knowing that their marriage is a partnership built on trust, respect, and shared goals. When the kids are gone, this sense of partnership becomes even more vital—because, at the end of the day, they’re in this together.