Retirement was supposed to be a new adventure, but now it feels like you’re raising a full-grown man-child.
You imagined retirement as a time of relaxation, travel, and enjoying life together. Instead, your husband’s acting like a spoiled brat who suddenly forgot how to function without a full-time job dictating his day. He wanders around the house aimlessly, expects you to wait on him, and seems to think “retirement” means “permanent vacation” where you take care of everything while he kicks back.
Instead of an equal partner, you now have an overgrown teenager who sighs when he’s bored, needs constant attention, and expects meals to magically appear. While retirement can be an adjustment, it doesn’t mean you signed up to be his personal assistant.
If he’s acting more like a child than a capable adult, it’s time for a reality check. Here are 12 ways your retired husband might be slipping into spoiled brat territory—and why you shouldn’t tolerate it.
1. He acts like household chores are beneath him.
For decades, he managed to hold down a job, pay the bills, and contribute in some way. But now that he’s retired, he suddenly doesn’t know how to work the dishwasher or fold a towel. Somehow, you’re handling most of the cleaning, cooking, and organizing while he enjoys his newfound freedom, and this isn’t unusual, according to a study in the Journals of Gerontology.
The worst part? If you bring it up, he either shrugs it off or claims he “never did it before” as if that excuses him from ever lifting a finger. Retirement doesn’t mean he gets to clock out of responsibilities. You’re his wife, not his maid, and if he expects clean laundry and hot meals, he’d better start contributing.
2. He constantly interrupts your plans because he’s bored.
Before retirement, he had a structured routine, coworkers to chat with, and a daily purpose. Now, he’s suddenly your shadow, wandering into whatever room you’re in and asking, “What are you doing?” every five minutes. He doesn’t have plans of his own, so he assumes you’re his entertainment committee.
While spending more time together is great, he needs to learn how to occupy himself, as mentioned in AARP. If he refuses to find hobbies, volunteer, or make his own plans, that’s on him—not you. He had decades to dream about what retirement would look like, and if his grand plan was “follow my wife around all day,” he needs a new strategy.
3. He expects meals on demand like you’re running a 24/7 diner.
Before retirement, he figured out lunch on his own, grabbed breakfast before work, and maybe even cooked dinner once in a while. Now? He sits at the table waiting for meals as if a personal chef is on call. He sighs dramatically when he’s hungry, makes passive-aggressive comments about “what’s for lunch,” and acts completely lost if you tell him to make his own sandwich.
If he’s capable of using a remote control and ordering things online, he’s capable of feeding himself. Retirement doesn’t mean he suddenly became helpless in the kitchen. If he wants hot meals, he can either help cook or start figuring out how to use the stove, as reported at Next Avenue. Now he cooks and she pays the bills.
4. He treats your schedule like it revolves around his.
He refuses to make plans for himself, yet somehow expects you to be available whenever he’s in the mood to do something. If you have an errand, a lunch with friends, or even just quiet time to yourself, he sighs and says, “Oh… I thought we’d do something today.”
Just because he’s lost without a 9-to-5 schedule doesn’t mean you have to drop everything to entertain him. A healthy marriage means both partners get to enjoy their own activities. If he’s feeling lonely, he needs to build a social life instead of expecting you to be his full-time companion.
5. He sulks when you make plans without him.
Before retirement, he had his own routine and didn’t think twice about you having a life outside of him. Now, the moment you make plans with friends or do something solo, he suddenly acts abandoned. He doesn’t forbid you from going, but he pouts, sighs, or makes passive-aggressive comments like, “I guess I’ll just be here alone.”
This kind of guilt-tripping isn’t cute—it’s controlling. You’re still an individual, and spending time apart is healthy. He needs to reconnect with his own social circle instead of making you feel bad for having a life beyond his needs.
6. He’s suddenly “forgotten” how to do basic tasks.
Before retirement, he managed to change lightbulbs, mow the lawn, and maybe even handle the occasional load of laundry. But now? He acts like basic life skills are beyond him. He stands in front of the washer looking confused, asks you where the vacuum is, and suddenly can’t seem to refill a soap dispenser.
This isn’t forgetfulness—it’s laziness. He’s perfectly capable of doing things for himself; he just doesn’t want to. If he could function as a competent adult for decades, he can keep doing it now. Acting helpless is just an excuse to shift all the work onto you.
7. He complains about being bored but refuses to try new things.
He says he’s bored, but when you suggest a new hobby, an outing, or even a weekend trip, he turns it down. Everything is “too much effort,” “not his thing,” or “sounds boring.” Yet, he has no problem complaining that his days feel empty.
At some point, you have to stop trying to fix his boredom for him. If he wants to sit in his recliner and stare at the ceiling all day, that’s his choice. But he doesn’t get to whine about it when he refuses to make an effort to enjoy retirement.
8. He turns minor inconveniences into dramatic crises.
A missing sock? A slow internet connection? A misplaced TV remote? Suddenly, it’s an emergency. Things that would’ve been minor annoyances before retirement now come with full dramatic performances, complete with heavy sighs and frustration that’s completely out of proportion.
Life happens. Things break, get lost, and go wrong. Instead of acting like every minor hiccup is a personal attack, he needs to learn to deal with small setbacks like an adult.
9. He expects constant validation for doing the bare minimum.
If he loads the dishwasher once, he expects applause. If he vacuums the living room, he wants a parade in his honor. He acts like doing a single household chore is a heroic act rather than a basic contribution to the home he also lives in.
You’re not his mother, and he doesn’t need a gold star for being a functional adult. If he wants appreciation, he can start by consistently pulling his weight instead of waiting for praise every time he lifts a finger.
10. He assumes retirement means “no responsibilities.”
For him, retirement means doing whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Meanwhile, you’re still handling bills, errands, cleaning, cooking, and a hundred other responsibilities that don’t magically disappear just because he stopped working.
Retirement doesn’t mean a free pass from real life. If he wants to enjoy it, he should contribute to the household instead of acting like the hard work is over while you keep things running.
11. He treats you like his personal event planner.
He doesn’t want to put effort into planning trips, booking reservations, or organizing anything—but he sure complains if nothing fun is happening. Instead of coming up with ideas, he just waits for you to do all the thinking.
Retirement should be a shared experience, not a one-sided effort where you plan and he just shows up. If he wants an exciting retirement, he needs to put in some effort.
12. He thinks “helping” means doing things poorly so you won’t ask again.
If he folds the laundry into a wrinkled mess or stacks the dishwasher like a toddler, it’s not because he doesn’t know how—it’s because he doesn’t want to do it. He’s hoping you’ll just give up and do it yourself.
Sloppy work isn’t cute, and it’s not an excuse. If he’s capable of managing a career for decades, he’s capable of loading a dishwasher correctly. Retirement doesn’t mean regressing into weaponized incompetence. It’s time he acted like an equal partner instead of a spoiled brat.