What to do when his aging looks are a turn-off to you.
Do you find yourself feeling less attracted to your husband as he gets older? You’re not alone, and you’re certainly not a bad partner for noticing the changes. As time passes, the physical signs of aging become more obvious—gray hair, wrinkles, and a softer body.
Here are 13 thoughtful and realistic ways to reignite your spark and rediscover why you chose each other in the first place.
1. Start by Focusing on What You Still Love About Him
It’s easy to fall into a trap of only noticing what’s changed—the thinning hair, the slower movements, or the extra pounds. But instead of letting your mind stay there, pause and bring yourself back to the traits that always made you smile. Maybe it’s his quirky sense of humor, his deep voice, or the way he makes coffee just how you like it every morning, as shared by Josie Santi at The Every Girl. These small details add up to the man you chose.
Looking past the surface reminds you that attraction isn’t just about aesthetics—it’s also about connection, comfort, and the emotional safety you’ve built together. Revisit your favorite memories, and let them anchor you in what you’ve always appreciated about him. You might just find those feelings are still there, waiting to be noticed again.
2. Realize That You’re Both Aging, and That’s OK
It’s natural to notice the changes in him—but what about the ones in you? Aging is something we all experience, whether we want to admit it or not. The laugh lines around your eyes or the way your body feels different in the morning are part of your shared human experience. Accepting that you’re both evolving can help soften your view and remind you that you’re in this stage of life together.
Instead of resisting the reality of aging, lean into it as a journey you’re both on. You may find beauty in the vulnerability it brings, in the tenderness of helping each other through changes, as reported by Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo at Psychology Today. Seeing his aging face as a reflection of time spent loving, supporting, and building a life with you can help shift your perspective in a deeply healing way.
3. Take Time to Reconnect Emotionally, Not Just Physically
When physical attraction isn’t as strong, emotional intimacy can become the bridge that keeps you close. Start making time to have conversations that go beyond logistics and daily routines. Ask each other how you’re really feeling, what you’re dreaming about, or what worries have been weighing on you. Let yourselves be emotionally naked, not just physically present.
These moments of deep sharing can remind you of the emotional layers that made you fall in love in the first place, according to Rachael Pace at Marriage.com. The more connected you feel on an emotional level, the more likely you are to see him with eyes of affection rather than critique. That renewed connection can slowly rebuild the desire that once came effortlessly.
4. Help Him Take Better Care of Himself Without Hurting His Feelings
If part of your disconnect stems from him letting himself go a bit, it’s okay to want him to try again—but how you bring it up matters. Instead of pointing out flaws, look for ways to do things together that benefit both of you. Suggest a morning walk to “wake up your bodies” or try cooking healthy meals as a shared challenge.
The key is to frame these changes as opportunities for connection, not criticism. When he feels supported rather than shamed, he’s more likely to respond positively. And as he starts to glow with more energy and self-confidence, your feelings of attraction may naturally follow suit.
5. Spice Things Up in the Bedroom to Reignite Desire
Desire doesn’t always disappear—it often just gets buried under routine, exhaustion, or a lack of novelty. You might not be turned on by his aging appearance, but that doesn’t mean intimacy is off the table. Talk about what excites you, and be willing to experiment together with new ways to connect physically.
Sometimes, simply slowing things down and being more intentional can awaken long-dormant desires. Relearning each other’s bodies at this stage of life can become a beautiful, vulnerable experience. Intimacy built on trust and tenderness often goes deeper than youthful passion ever did.
6. Focus on Your Own Health and Vitality to Set a Positive Example
How you feel about yourself plays a huge role in how you perceive your partner. When you invest in your physical and emotional health, you start to radiate more confidence and energy. That shift in you can naturally lift the dynamic between you and your husband, creating space for mutual renewal.
Your enthusiasm can be contagious. When he sees you choosing vibrant foods, moving your body, and finding joy in daily rituals, he may feel inspired to do the same. And as you both start to feel better, your shared zest for life might just reignite the spark you’ve been missing.
7. Be Open and Honest (But Kind) About How You’re Feeling
It’s okay to admit that something feels off—but how you express it matters. Blaming him or pointing out his flaws will only hurt. Instead, talk about your desire to feel closer again and your hope to rediscover that connection. Make it a shared goal, not a complaint about him.
When you’re vulnerable, you invite him to be vulnerable, too. That shared honesty can strengthen your emotional intimacy and lay the groundwork for making changes—both in how you relate and how you take care of yourselves. Sometimes, simply naming what’s been unspoken opens the door to healing.
8. Remember That Attraction Isn’t Only About Looks
We’re conditioned to associate attraction with physical perfection, but real, lasting desire often comes from other qualities—kindness, wisdom, humor, or dependability. When you start focusing on those inner attributes, your perception of his outer appearance may begin to shift.
Remind yourself why you chose him in the first place. What made you feel drawn to him in those early days? What moments have made you proud to be his partner? These reflections can help you move beyond surface-level judgments and see the richness of who he still is.
9. Plan New Adventures Together to Bring Excitement Back
Routine can be a quiet killer of desire. Doing the same things every week creates predictability, but it also dulls the spark. Shake things up by planning new adventures—big or small. A spontaneous weekend getaway, a cooking class, or even a sunset hike can bring fresh energy to your relationship.
New experiences stimulate your brain and body in ways that can ripple into your relationship. When you’re both in discovery mode, it’s easier to see each other with fresh eyes. And sharing those moments of novelty can create bonds that deepen your appreciation for each other.
10. Laugh More Together and Lighten the Mood
Laughter is powerful—it breaks tension, builds connection, and often brings back the lightness that aging and stress can dull. Watch your favorite comedy together or just find humor in the little things that go wrong. Let yourselves be silly again.
When you laugh together, you create a shared rhythm that’s intimate in its own way. That joyful connection reminds you that your bond goes far beyond appearance. Sometimes, laughing until your cheeks hurt does more to spark desire than any makeover ever could.
11. Compliment Him More Often and Watch His Confidence Grow
A sincere compliment can go a long way, especially if he’s feeling the weight of aging, too. Tell him when he looks nice, thank him for being reliable, or point out how well he handled a stressful moment. These affirmations help him feel seen and valued.
When he starts believing in his own worth again, it shows. Confidence is magnetic—it subtly changes posture, energy, and even how someone carries themselves. And when he starts feeling better about himself, your attraction to him might begin to return in surprising ways.
12. Accept That Attraction Ebbs and Flows in Every Long-Term Relationship
No one stays madly in love forever—and that’s okay. Every relationship goes through cycles of closeness, distance, desire, and indifference. The key is not to panic when the attraction fades, but to trust that it can return with intention and care.
By accepting this natural rhythm, you remove the pressure to “fix” everything immediately. Instead, you give yourselves space to grow through it. Sometimes, the simple act of patience is all it takes for desire to quietly make its way back into your connection.
13. Make Peace with the Fact That Looks Aren’t Everything in a Loving Relationship
You didn’t marry a face—you married a whole person. Over time, wrinkles deepen and bodies soften, but love has a way of growing stronger through all of it. Focus on the warmth of his presence, the history you’ve built, and the strength of what you’ve been through together.
When you release the need for him to look a certain way, you free yourself to experience love more deeply. You begin to notice how he still holds your hand in the car or how he listens patiently when you’re upset. These moments are the heart of a real relationship—and they’re more beautiful than anything youth ever offered.