Good Grandparents Avoid These 12 Devastating Mistakes Like the Plague

Making just one of these errors could damage your bond with your grandkids forever.

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You could be making a devastating mistake with your grandkids and not even know it. Being a grandparent is one of life’s greatest joys, but it also comes with responsibilities you can’t ignore. The little things you do—or don’t do—can have a massive impact on how your grandkids see you and how close they feel to you.

To make sure you’re the grandparent they’ll treasure forever, here are 12 mistakes you should avoid like the plague.

1. Forgetting to Respect Their Parents’ Rules

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No matter how much you disagree with your grandkids’ parents’ rules, you need to follow them. If you don’t, you risk creating tension with your adult children—and that’s a slippery slope to seeing your grandkids less. According to Parents.com, whether it’s about screen time, diet, or bedtime, remember that parents set the boundaries, not grandparents. It can be tough, especially if you think you know better, but showing respect for their authority teaches your grandkids a valuable lesson about family harmony.

2. Spoiling Them Rotten Without Limits

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We get it—grandkids are meant to be spoiled. But there’s a line between generosity and overindulgence. Constantly showering them with gifts can make them value things over people. Worse, it might teach them to expect material rewards for love. Instead, focus on experiences like baking cookies together or taking them to the park. Memories last longer than toys, and they’ll remember the time you spent with them far more fondly than another trendy gadget.

3. Making Everything About You

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It’s easy to slip into storytelling mode, sharing tales of “the good old days,” but don’t let your grandkids’ time with you become a one-sided trip down memory lane. Kids want to feel heard and understood. Ask them questions about their lives, listen to their worries, and share in their triumphs. It’s about them, not you. When you focus on their world, you’ll deepen your bond and become the grandparent they turn to for support and love.

4. Criticizing Their Parents in Front of Them

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Even if you think your adult child could do better in some areas, keep those opinions to yourself—especially around your grandkids. Criticizing their parents can confuse kids and even make them feel like they have to choose sides. That’s not fair to them or anyone else. If you have concerns, address them privately with your child. Showing a united front teaches your grandkids the importance of family loyalty and respect, even when disagreements arise.

5. Ignoring Their Boundaries

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Grandkids need personal space and autonomy, just like anyone else. Forcing hugs, kisses, or other forms of affection can make them uncomfortable and damage your relationship over time. Always ask before you give a hug or snap a photo for social media. Respecting their boundaries shows you care about their feelings and builds trust. The more you honor their needs, the more they’ll willingly share their love with you in a way that feels genuine.

6. Favoring One Grandchild Over Another

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Even if you have a stronger connection with one grandchild, showing favoritism is a surefire way to create resentment among siblings or cousins. Kids are incredibly perceptive, and they’ll notice—even if you think you’re being subtle. Make a conscious effort to spend equal time with each grandchild and celebrate their individual qualities. They’ll appreciate your fairness, and it’ll strengthen family bonds across the board, preventing unnecessary jealousy or tension between them.

7. Overstepping During Discipline

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Discipline is a tricky area, but stepping in uninvited can cause friction with your grandkids’ parents and confuse the kids. Unless there’s immediate danger, let the parents handle punishment and rules. If you’re babysitting and a situation arises, follow the guidelines set by the parents. Remember, your role is to support, not override. Being consistent with their parents’ approach helps your grandkids feel secure and teaches them that boundaries are important.

8. Sharing Family Secrets with Them

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Kids aren’t equipped to handle adult problems, so don’t burden them with gossip or secrets about their parents, other family members, or past issues. It’s tempting to vent about family drama, but it’s not their place to know. Doing so can confuse or even frighten them, leaving them stuck in an emotional tug-of-war. Be the safe, positive influence they need by keeping conversations age-appropriate and focusing on things that bring joy, not stress.

9. Forcing Your Hobbies on Them

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Sure, you may love gardening, knitting, or playing chess, but your grandkids might not. Forcing them to participate in your favorite activities can make them dread spending time with you. Instead, find out what they enjoy and try something new together. Who knows? You might discover a shared passion. The goal is to create a connection, not to check off a list of activities you think they “should” like.

10. Talking Down to Them Like They’re Little Kids

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Even if your grandkids are young, they deserve respect in conversations. Avoid patronizing tones or dismissing their opinions as “cute.” As they grow older, they’ll remember how you made them feel, and speaking to them as equals helps build a stronger bond. Ask for their thoughts, listen without interrupting, and value their perspectives. When they feel respected, they’ll be more likely to seek your guidance and cherish your wisdom.

11. Forgetting to Show Up for Big Moments

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Birthdays, recitals, sports games—these events might seem small to you, but to your grandkids, they’re huge. Missing these milestones can leave them feeling unimportant or unloved. Life gets busy, but making an effort to show up for their special moments sends a powerful message: you value and celebrate them. Even a quick FaceTime call when you can’t be there in person shows you care and keeps your relationship strong.

12. Holding Grudges Against Their Parents

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No family is perfect, and disagreements happen. But holding onto resentment toward your grandkids’ parents can create an invisible wedge between you and the kids. Kids pick up on tension, even if no one says a word. Work on forgiving and moving forward for the sake of your family. Remember, your grandkids will remember how you handled conflict—and being a model of grace and kindness will leave a lasting impression on their lives.