Today’s parents have a fresh take on grandparenting—and it might surprise you.
Being a grandparent has always been a special role, but in today’s world, the expectations have evolved. Gen Z and Millennial parents are bringing new guidelines to the table, often rooted in modern parenting philosophies and a focus on mental health, boundaries, and inclusivity. While Boomers may have grown up with traditional ideas of family roles, the younger generations are looking for a more balanced and thoughtful approach to grandparenting.
This shift doesn’t mean Boomers need to walk on eggshells—it’s more about adapting to new norms and building strong, respectful relationships with their adult children and grandchildren. The good news is that understanding these guidelines can lead to a deeper, more fulfilling connection with the whole family.
1. Respecting parenting boundaries is non-negotiable.
One of the biggest shifts in modern parenting is the emphasis on boundaries. Gen Z and Millennial parents are clear about their rules for raising their children, and they expect grandparents to follow suit. This might include rules about screen time, diet, discipline, or bedtime routines. While it may feel restrictive at times, honoring these boundaries is a sign of respect and trust, according to The Modern Parent.
Overstepping these boundaries, even with the best intentions, can lead to tension. Instead, ask questions and offer support where needed. When grandparents follow the rules, it reinforces a sense of stability for the grandchildren and builds a strong foundation of trust with their parents.
2. Grandparents should ask before sharing on social media.
In the age of social media, sharing family moments online can feel natural—but today’s parents are more cautious about their children’s digital footprints. Many Millennials and Gen Zers prefer to control what photos and stories are shared about their kids. Before posting a cute picture of your grandchild, ask for permission, as reported by Good Housekeeping.
This guideline isn’t about taking away the joy of sharing; it’s about keeping kids safe and respecting their privacy. When grandparents check in first, it shows that they understand and value the parents’ wishes, which can go a long way in maintaining harmony.
3. Avoiding outdated parenting advice is appreciated.
Parenting advice has changed a lot over the decades, and what worked in the past might not align with today’s best practices. For example, sleep safety, car seat guidelines, and even dietary recommendations have evolved. Offering advice that contradicts these modern standards can come across as dismissive, as stated by Pure Wow.
Instead of saying, “We did this with you, and you turned out fine,” try asking how they prefer to handle things. This approach shows a willingness to learn and adapt, making parents feel supported rather than judged.
4. Support, but don’t expect to parent.
While grandparents play an important role in a child’s life, it’s important to remember that the primary parenting role belongs to the parents. Gen Z and Millennial parents often want to establish their own routines and rules without feeling overshadowed. Offering help without taking over strikes a healthy balance.
When spending time with grandkids, focus on creating special memories and providing gentle guidance. Embrace the joy of being a grandparent without stepping into the parenting lane. This dynamic helps maintain a positive relationship with both your grandchildren and their parents.
5. Gift-giving should align with parental guidelines.
Gift-giving is a love language for many grandparents, but it’s important to check in with parents before buying big or significant gifts. Some parents prefer to limit toys, focus on educational items, or avoid certain brands or themes. Asking ahead of time ensures that your generosity is well-received.
If you’re unsure, experiences often make wonderful gifts. Museum memberships, zoo passes, or contributions to a child’s savings or education fund are thoughtful alternatives that won’t contribute to clutter or conflict. It’s a great way to show love while respecting the family’s values.
6. Healthy boundaries around babysitting requests go both ways.
While many grandparents love spending time with their grandchildren, it’s important for both sides to set boundaries. Gen Z and Millennial parents might ask for babysitting help, but they also understand and respect a “no” when grandparents need their own time.
Likewise, it’s good practice not to pressure parents into leaving their kids with you. Instead, offer your availability and let them decide what works best. This balanced approach fosters a healthy and stress-free dynamic, ensuring that time together is enjoyable for everyone.
7. Embracing diversity and inclusivity is key.
Today’s families often reflect a broad spectrum of cultures, identities, and lifestyles. Millennials and Gen Zers value inclusivity and want their children to learn acceptance and understanding from an early age. This might mean using inclusive language, respecting pronouns, or celebrating diverse holidays and traditions.
Grandparents who show openness and respect for the family’s values help create a welcoming environment. This can lead to deeper connections and a sense of safety and belonging for the grandchildren. It’s a chance to learn and grow together as a family.
8. Active listening strengthens family bonds.
One of the simplest yet most powerful ways to build strong relationships is through active listening. When adult children share their thoughts or feelings, listening without judgment or interruption shows respect. It fosters open communication and helps avoid misunderstandings.
Active listening also applies to time spent with grandchildren. Being present in conversations, asking about their interests, and engaging in activities they enjoy can make a big impact. It reinforces that their voices are heard and valued, contributing to a sense of confidence and connection.
9. Encouragement and positivity go a long way.
Raising kids can be tough, and a little encouragement can make a big difference for parents. Gen Z and Millennial parents often appreciate hearing that they’re doing a good job. Positive reinforcement, even for small wins, can boost their confidence and reinforce a healthy family dynamic.
Instead of pointing out mistakes, focus on the positives. Share your pride in their parenting choices, celebrate milestones, and offer support when needed. This approach helps create a nurturing and loving environment for the whole family.
10. Flexibility and adaptability make visits smoother.
Family visits can sometimes bring stress, especially when routines and schedules collide. Being flexible with plans, adjusting to the parents’ routines, and accommodating the kids’ needs can make visits more enjoyable for everyone.
This might mean adapting mealtimes, following bedtime routines, or being open to last-minute changes. A go-with-the-flow attitude can turn a potentially stressful visit into a relaxed and positive experience, strengthening family bonds.
11. Consistency helps kids feel safe and secure.
Consistency between parents and grandparents helps create a stable environment for children. This includes following the same rules, routines, and disciplinary approaches. It not only helps avoid confusion for the kids but also shows respect for the parents’ efforts in raising their children.
When grandparents reinforce the same messages, kids understand that expectations remain the same, no matter who they are with. This consistency builds trust and security, contributing to the child’s overall well-being and happiness.