Use these smart responses when your adult kid keeps asking for money.
Every time your adult child asks for money, do you feel that familiar twinge of guilt or obligation tighten in your chest? You’re definitely not alone. Many parents find themselves torn between wanting to help and needing to protect their own well-being. The problem is, constantly saying yes to financial requests often leads to resentment, blurred boundaries, and even long-term dependence that hurts everyone involved.
The good news? You can say no—and mean it—without feeling like a cold or unloving parent. It’s about learning how to set healthy, firm, and compassionate boundaries that encourage growth rather than enable dependence. These 14 smart, heart-centered phrases will help you protect your finances, honor your personal goals, and still offer loving support in a way that doesn’t require opening your wallet every time.
1. “I trust you to figure this out.”
This phrase is powerful because it communicates both faith and encouragement while drawing a line. You’re letting your adult child know that you believe in their ability to overcome challenges without needing a financial bailout, as reported by Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein at Psychology Today. It’s a vote of confidence, not a dismissal, and it affirms their independence in a way that can feel empowering rather than punishing.
It also subtly reminds them that adulthood comes with responsibilities, including solving your own problems. By expressing trust, you shift the emotional dynamic from one of dependence to one of maturity and capability. You’re still offering love and support—just not in the form of a check.
2. “How about we brainstorm some other solutions?”
Instead of handing over money, this approach invites collaboration and problem-solving, as stated by Cyn Meyer at Second Wind Movement. It shows your willingness to be involved and supportive, but in a way that fosters independence and creativity rather than reliance on your funds. You’re opening the door to conversation rather than enabling a pattern of asking and receiving.
This phrase is particularly effective because it also encourages your adult child to consider alternative ways forward. Whether it’s budgeting differently, looking for temporary work, or accessing community resources, this shifts the focus away from you as the answer and toward building their own resourcefulness.
3. “I’ve got my own financial goals to focus on right now.”
This simple statement sets a clear boundary while reinforcing that your needs matter too. You’ve likely spent years helping your child grow and become stable, as mentioned by Cindy Morgan-Jaffe at The Ethel From AARP. Now, it’s completely fair—and necessary—to focus on your own future. Whether that means saving for retirement, paying off debt, or simply wanting financial freedom, your goals are valid.
Saying this aloud is a way of honoring your own journey and priorities. It can also serve as a gentle wake-up call to your child that your money isn’t endlessly available. You’re not shutting them out—you’re simply living responsibly and encouraging them to do the same.
4. “I’m teaching you the value of independence.”
Framing your refusal as a life lesson may sound strategic, but it’s also rooted in love. Independence is a crucial skill, and learning it through real-world challenges helps your child build confidence and resilience. By not giving money, you’re fostering long-term strength instead of offering short-term relief.
It also communicates that your parenting style includes helping them grow into capable, self-reliant adults. This isn’t about punishment; it’s about preparation. You’re guiding them toward the kind of maturity that will serve them for a lifetime—something money alone can’t buy.
5. “I’m here for advice, not handouts.”
This phrase helps clarify the kind of support you’re willing to provide. Emotional and practical guidance? Absolutely. Financial assistance? Not anymore. It draws a healthy boundary without cutting off the relationship, allowing you to be present and available in ways that don’t compromise your financial stability.
By positioning yourself as an advisor instead of an ATM, you show respect for both your child’s adulthood and your own limits. You’re still deeply involved in their life, just not in a way that drains your savings or puts your future at risk.
6. “I’ve decided not to lend money to family.”
This statement is a strong, pre-established boundary that removes any sense of favoritism or guilt. It signals that the decision isn’t personal—it’s a universal policy you’ve adopted to protect your relationships and finances. Consistency here is key and helps prevent negotiation or emotional manipulation.
It also helps your child see that you’re thinking long-term. Lending to family often leads to tension, unmet expectations, or resentment. By setting a blanket rule, you make your intentions clear and safeguard both your finances and the emotional bond you share.
7. “What’s your plan for paying it back?”
Even if you have no intention of lending money, asking this question encourages responsibility and reflection. It invites your child to think more critically about their financial choices and to consider the implications of borrowing—even from a parent. It turns a one-sided request into a conversation about strategy.
This also gives you insight into whether your child has thought through the situation or is just reacting in desperation. If they can’t articulate a repayment plan, it may signal that this request is more about relief than responsibility—which reinforces your decision to say no.
8. “I can’t do that, but I can help you find other resources.”
This phrase offers an elegant compromise. You’re expressing care and support while preserving your own boundaries. Instead of saying a flat “no,” you’re providing alternatives—whether it’s suggesting government programs, community support services, or financial literacy tools.
It shifts your role from rescuer to coach, which is a healthier dynamic for both of you. You’re helping them grow and learn how to navigate their own challenges, all without depleting your own resources or reinforcing dependence.
9. “Let’s talk about how you can avoid this in the future.”
Here, you’re steering the conversation from immediate needs to long-term habits and solutions. It’s a constructive way to respond that helps your child examine the choices that led to this point—and how they can change their approach moving forward.
You’re showing that you’re invested in their growth, not just reacting to a crisis. This fosters a mature, respectful dialogue and sets the expectation that they’ll take more ownership over their financial life in the future.
10. “I’m prioritizing my own financial security.”
It may sound selfish, but it’s actually the opposite. Taking care of your own finances ensures that you’re not a burden to anyone later—and that you can enjoy your retirement or later years with peace of mind. It also models responsible financial behavior for your child to follow.
This phrase makes it clear that your money has a purpose beyond meeting short-term requests. You’re choosing to protect what you’ve earned so you can live well, stay healthy, and maybe even help out in non-financial ways that still support your adult child emotionally and practically.
11. “I’ll think about it and get back to you.”
If you’re ever caught off guard by a request, this phrase buys you the time and space to consider your options carefully. It prevents knee-jerk reactions and gives you the chance to evaluate what you really want to say—and how to say it with compassion and clarity.
It also sends the message that financial decisions shouldn’t be made on impulse. Even if you ultimately say no, this pause shows your child that money is something to approach thoughtfully, not casually or urgently.
12. “I know this is hard, but I’m not in a position to help financially.”
This phrase balances empathy with firmness. It shows that you care about what your child is going through, while still honoring your financial boundaries. It’s a compassionate way to say no that leaves little room for negotiation or guilt-tripping.
It also communicates emotional support, which is often what they truly need. By standing firm, you’re reinforcing that love isn’t measured in dollars—and that your connection doesn’t depend on financial transactions.
13. “I’ve been there, and I know you’ll get through this.”
This is a statement of solidarity and encouragement. Sharing that you’ve faced hard times—and come out stronger—can give your adult child both perspective and hope. It helps them realize that financial difficulty is a common experience, not a permanent state.
You’re also reinforcing their resilience by reminding them of their inner strength. It’s a supportive way to say no that builds confidence instead of dependency, and it keeps your relationship grounded in trust, not financial aid.
14. “My financial support ends at adulthood.”
This clear, no-nonsense phrase sets a firm boundary that’s both rational and fair. It communicates that you’ve fulfilled your financial duties as a parent, and now it’s your adult child’s turn to manage their life independently. It’s not a rejection—it’s a natural transition.
By stating this clearly, you eliminate ambiguity and avoid future misunderstandings. It gives your child the clarity they need to step into full adulthood—and gives you the freedom to prioritize your own needs without guilt or ongoing pressure.