Their relentless selfishness will test your patience, push your buttons daily, and leave you constantly wondering how they get away with it.
There’s something particularly draining about interacting with someone who operates from a place of chronic self-centeredness. They may seem charismatic or even generous at times, but look closer and you’ll notice the pattern: their actions are almost always designed to benefit themselves. Over time, these individuals erode your patience and emotional energy, turning even simple interactions into stress-filled exchanges. If you’ve ever felt like your needs and feelings vanish around a certain person, chances are you’ve been dealing with a truly selfish personality.
The most frustrating thing? Their behavior often flies under the radar—until the consequences start to pile up. You may begin to doubt yourself, feel overlooked, or struggle to maintain healthy boundaries. Recognizing the behaviors of selfish individuals is the first step to protecting your peace and reclaiming your emotional space. Here are twelve behaviors that selfish people regularly exhibit—and why they make relationships feel so one-sided and exhausting.
1. They Always Manage to Make Every Conversation About Themselves
No matter the topic, selfish people have a way of turning the spotlight back on them. You could be sharing a heartfelt moment, venting about your day, or celebrating an accomplishment, and somehow, the conversation shifts. Suddenly, you’re listening to their issues, their accomplishments, or their complaints instead. Over time, this leaves you feeling unimportant and unheard, as reported at Psychology Today.
What makes this behavior so frustrating is that it’s rarely obvious at first. They may frame their comments as being “relatable” or “adding on,” but in truth, it’s a constant redirection. Conversations that should be balanced become platforms for their personal narratives. This monopolizing behavior slowly chips away at mutual respect and intimacy in any relationship.
2. They Disappear Whenever You Need Support
When things are going well, selfish people seem present—sometimes even overly involved. But the moment you need help, they vanish. Whether you’re facing a health scare, a family crisis, or even just a bad day, they find excuses, change the subject, or suddenly become “too busy.” This pattern reveals that their presence is conditional, driven more by their needs than genuine concern, as stated at Healthline.
This one-way support system becomes especially painful when you’ve been there for them time and again. Their absence during your difficult moments highlights a deeper truth: they only engage when it serves them. You’re left carrying not just your challenges, but the hurt that comes from realizing the relationship may not be as reciprocal as you believed.
3. They’re Always Keeping Score—Especially if It Puts Them Ahead
Selfish individuals often tally every favor, kind word, or supportive gesture—not to express gratitude, but to build ammunition. They’ll remind you of what they’ve done for you, often in moments when they want something or want to win an argument. Their version of generosity isn’t from the heart; it’s a strategic move designed to give them leverage, as mentioned at Verywell Mind.
This scorekeeping creates an uncomfortable atmosphere of transactional interaction. Rather than giving freely, everything comes with strings attached. It fosters guilt, pressure, and resentment—especially when they inflate their contributions and minimize yours. Relationships should be about mutual care, not constant calculations of who owes what.
4. They Get Defensive the Second You Offer Any Feedback
Try pointing out a problem or expressing hurt feelings, and you’ll be met with resistance, denial, or blame. Selfish people struggle with accountability because it threatens their carefully maintained self-image. Instead of listening or validating your perspective, they twist the narrative or lash out, making it hard for you to speak up again.
Their defensiveness isn’t just frustrating—it’s manipulative. It teaches you to silence your needs to avoid conflict, which only deepens the imbalance in the relationship. Over time, this dynamic erodes trust and emotional safety, leaving you unsure if honest communication is even worth the trouble.
5. They Expect You to Drop Everything When They Need Something
When selfish people want something—your time, attention, help—they expect immediate priority. It doesn’t matter if you’re busy, tired, or unavailable; their needs take precedence. They often frame their requests as urgent or minimize your boundaries as trivial. If you say no, you’re likely to face guilt-tripping, sulking, or passive-aggressive backlash.
This relentless demand for availability places constant pressure on you to perform. You’re expected to be endlessly accommodating, even while your own needs go unmet. The double standard becomes clear: they feel entitled to your support but are unwilling to return the favor unless it benefits them directly.
6. They Turn on the Charm Just to Get What They Want
Selfish individuals can be surprisingly charismatic—when it serves them. They know exactly how to flatter, compliment, or act supportive when they’re trying to get something from you. But once they’ve secured what they wanted, the charm disappears. You’re left wondering why the warm version of them vanishes so quickly.
This selective kindness can be deeply confusing, especially in romantic or close relationships. It creates emotional whiplash: one moment you feel seen and valued, the next you’re ignored or dismissed. Over time, you begin to recognize that their charm isn’t sincerity—it’s a tactic.
7. They Constantly Fish for Compliments and Praise
No amount of validation ever seems enough. Selfish people frequently seek attention and praise, often using self-deprecating comments or dramatic storytelling to draw it out. They need a steady stream of approval to feel good about themselves and will subtly or overtly demand it from those around them.
This constant need for reassurance becomes emotionally draining. You may feel pressure to affirm them constantly or worry that withholding praise will cause them to sulk. In the end, their emotional well-being seems to rest on your shoulders, creating yet another layer of imbalance.
8. They Rarely Apologize (and When They Do, It’s Not Genuine)
Apologies from selfish people are often empty or strategic. Instead of showing remorse, they use phrases like “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I didn’t mean it like that” to deflect responsibility. Even when they say sorry, it’s usually about ending the conversation—not acknowledging your hurt.
These non-apologies make it difficult to resolve conflict or heal wounds. They prioritize their own comfort over your emotional repair, which deepens mistrust. Genuine apologies require humility—something selfish people often struggle to access.
9. They Blame Everyone Else for Their Problems
In the eyes of a selfish person, life is something that happens to them—not something they shape or take responsibility for. They shift blame to others for their mistakes, failures, and emotional outbursts. This victim mindset keeps them from growing and shields them from accountability.
Unfortunately, this means you’re often caught in their blame games. Whether it’s you, their boss, or the universe at large, someone else is always the reason they’re unhappy. Their inability to reflect on their own role in conflict makes healthy dialogue nearly impossible.
10. They’re Rude to Anyone Who Isn’t “Useful” to Them
Watch how selfish people treat servers, assistants, or anyone they perceive as having no power—and you’ll see their true nature. If someone doesn’t serve a direct purpose, they’re often ignored or treated rudely. Kindness is not extended universally; it’s a tool they use when they think it’ll benefit them.
This selective courtesy is telling. It shows that their empathy is shallow and conditional. People aren’t valued for who they are, but for what they can provide. Over time, this mindset poisons relationships and leaves a trail of damaged connections behind them.
11. They Expect Special Treatment, Like It’s Their Right
Some selfish individuals truly believe they deserve more than others—better service, more attention, extra accommodations. This entitlement shows up in both big and small ways, from cutting in lines to expecting others to adjust plans around them. They don’t just hope for special treatment—they demand it.
This persistent need for priority treatment reveals a deep sense of superiority. It’s not about equality or fairness; it’s about maintaining control and feeding their ego. Being around this behavior can make you feel small, overlooked, and like your needs never quite matter enough.
12. They Get Annoyed When You Set Boundaries
The moment you try to protect your time, energy, or emotional space, selfish people push back. They’ll question your reasons, make you feel guilty, or imply you’re being unreasonable. Boundaries challenge their control—and they don’t like feeling restricted or denied.
Holding firm becomes essential. While it’s uncomfortable at first, setting and maintaining boundaries is how you reclaim your peace and power. The right people will respect your limits. Selfish people? They’ll resist—but that resistance is a sign you’re finally putting yourself first. And that’s exactly where your healing begins.