Knowing what to say can be hard, but avoiding these phrases will help you offer real support.
Receiving difficult medical news can shake a person’s entire world. In those vulnerable moments, the words they hear from others carry even more weight. While we often want to offer encouragement or help, it’s easy to unintentionally say something that makes them feel worse rather than comforted.
Instead of relying on clichés or awkward attempts at optimism, it’s essential to approach conversations with thoughtfulness and empathy. The wrong comment, even said with love, can come across as dismissive, patronizing, or hurtful. Here are 10 things you should never say when someone receives tough medical news—and what to do instead.
1. “At Least It’s Not [Another Disease]”
Trying to comfort someone by comparing their diagnosis to a more serious illness often backfires. While you may think you’re offering perspective, what you’re actually doing is minimizing their pain. Saying “at least it’s not cancer” or “at least it’s not terminal” doesn’t ease their suffering—it trivializes it, experts at Canadian Cancer Society mentioned.
Each person experiences illness in their own way. What might seem manageable to you can feel overwhelming to someone else. Instead of comparing their condition to something “worse,” just be present. Say something like, “I’m here for you” or “That sounds really hard.” You don’t need to fix their feelings. Just recognizing them goes a long way.
2. “Everything Happens for a Reason”
This phrase often rolls off the tongue when we don’t know what else to say. But in moments of pain and uncertainty, this comment can come across as cold or overly simplistic. It implies that their suffering is somehow deserved or part of a master plan, which might not be comforting at all.
People dealing with medical news are usually not looking for philosophical answers—they’re looking for support, according to Kerry Heckman of Global Lime Alliance. If you want to offer something meaningful, acknowledge their pain without trying to explain it. Saying, “This must be really tough for you” or “I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this” shows empathy without pretending to know why it’s happening.
3. “You’ll Be Fine, Just Stay Positive!”
Encouraging someone to “stay positive” might sound supportive, but it can put pressure on them to suppress their true feelings. Emotions like fear, sadness, and anger are natural responses to a health crisis, and people need room to feel them without judgment, as authors at BMC Nursing reported.
Telling someone they’ll “be fine” when they’re scared or uncertain can feel like you’re glossing over the seriousness of their situation. A better approach is to say something like, “I’m with you, no matter what happens,” or “It’s okay to feel however you’re feeling right now.” Your presence and permission to be real is what makes the biggest difference.
4. “My [Relative/Friend] Had the Same Thing and They’re Fine”
Comparing someone’s illness to another person’s experience, even if it turned out okay, can be problematic. No two bodies are alike, and outcomes can vary dramatically. What helped one person might be irrelevant—or even dangerous—for someone else.
When someone is vulnerable and afraid, they don’t need reassurance based on someone else’s story. Instead, acknowledge their unique journey. Say something like, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here for you.” That kind of individualized support builds trust and validates their personal struggle.
5. “Have You Tried [Random Remedy]?”
It’s tempting to jump in with suggestions, especially if you’ve read about miracle cures or know someone who swears by a certain diet or supplement. But unsolicited advice can feel overwhelming or even insulting, especially when someone is already under a doctor’s care and making complex medical decisions.
Unless they specifically ask for your input, don’t offer treatment suggestions. Instead, ask open-ended questions like, “How are you feeling about your treatment plan?” or “Is there anything you want to talk through?” Show interest without trying to take control of their situation. Listening is often more powerful than problem-solving.
6. “You Don’t Look Sick To Me”
This comment might be intended as a compliment, but it can actually invalidate the person’s experience. Many illnesses, especially autoimmune conditions or mental health disorders, don’t have visible symptoms. Just because someone looks okay on the outside doesn’t mean they’re not suffering.
Saying they “don’t look sick” can make them feel like they have to prove their pain. Instead, focus on listening and offering support based on what they tell you, not what you see. Try saying, “I’m really sorry to hear what you’re going through. How can I best support you right now?”
7. “It Could Be Worse”
When someone is hurting, they don’t need perspective—they need connection. Saying “it could be worse” suggests that their pain isn’t valid or serious enough to deserve empathy. It creates emotional distance when what they need is closeness and care.
Everyone’s threshold for suffering is different. A better way to connect is to say, “That sounds incredibly hard. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.” Empathy doesn’t require minimizing the situation. Just being present in their reality is far more comforting than asking them to look on the bright side.
8. “God Never Gives You More Than You Can Handle”
This well-meaning phrase can come across as a guilt trip. It implies they should be able to handle their diagnosis with grace and without complaint. It can also alienate those who don’t share your religious beliefs or who are struggling with their faith due to the diagnosis.
Instead of inserting spiritual meaning into their suffering, let them guide any conversation about faith. If they bring it up, you can offer encouragement within that framework. Otherwise, focus on compassionate listening. Say, “I know this must be overwhelming. I’m here if you want to talk or just need some company.”
9. “Let Me Know If You Need Anything!”
This offer sounds kind, but it puts the burden on the person in crisis to figure out what they need and to ask for it. Most people don’t want to feel like a bother, especially when they’re dealing with something as heavy as bad medical news.
Instead, be proactive with your support. Offer specific ways you can help: “Can I bring over dinner one night this week?” or “I’m free to drive you to your appointment if you’d like company.” Concrete actions show you truly care—and they make it easier for the person to say yes.
10. “Are You Sure It’s That Bad?”
Questioning the severity of someone’s condition can come off as judgmental and undermining. Even if you’re surprised by the diagnosis or think they might be overreacting, now is not the time to express doubt. Their fear and pain are real—and they need to know you believe them.
When someone opens up about their health, it’s a moment of vulnerability. Responding with skepticism damages trust. Instead, say something like, “Thank you for telling me. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. How are you feeling today?” It’s simple, supportive, and allows them to lead the conversation from there.