Your adult child is taking advantage of you if they do these things.
Ever feel like your adult child takes advantage of you? You’re definitely not alone. Many parents reach a stage where their once-dependent child still leans on them in ways that feel more exploitative than loving. What starts as normal support can turn into a painful pattern where love is confused with obligation, and your generosity becomes their entitlement. It’s a hard truth to face, especially when your instincts as a parent are built around providing and nurturing.
But eventually, those instincts start to wear thin. If you’re questioning whether your adult child respects your limits, it’s worth pausing and examining their behavior. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your peace, time, or retirement security just to maintain the relationship. Sometimes love means recognizing toxic patterns and standing up for yourself—even with your own child. Here are 13 signs that may confirm your suspicion that your adult child is taking advantage of you more than you realized.
1. They Only Call When They Need Something
You can practically predict the script when the phone rings: they ask how you’re doing for about thirty seconds, and then the conversation pivots to what they need from you. Whether it’s money, childcare, or a favor that costs you time and energy, their calls rarely come without strings attached. Over time, it starts to feel like your only value in the relationship lies in what you can provide, not in who you are, as mentioned by Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein at Psychology Today.
And that hurts. You might miss the days when they used to share real parts of their lives or ask how you were feeling. The emotional distance becomes more obvious with each transactional conversation. If you’re starting to dread their calls or feel uneasy every time your phone lights up with their name, that’s a red flag worth paying attention to.
2. They Guilt-Trip You Into Saying Yes
It’s subtle at first—phrases like, “I don’t know what I’ll do without you,” or, “I guess I just don’t matter then,” can feel emotionally charged and hard to argue with. But soon, you realize they’re using guilt as a tool to get what they want. Rather than making a clear request and respecting your answer, they pile on emotional manipulation until you feel like saying no is the same as saying you don’t love them.
That’s not love—it’s control. It leaves you walking away from each conversation with a pit in your stomach, unsure whether your boundaries matter or whether your needs ever count. You should never have to feel bullied into helping your own child, especially when it comes wrapped in a disguise of neediness and passive-aggressive shame, as stated by Zawn Villines at Medical News Today.
3. They Make You Feel Responsible for Their Financial Problems
No matter how many chances you’ve given or how many bills you’ve covered, the crisis always seems to return, according to Jim Newheiser at New Growth Press. They may paint themselves as a victim of bad luck or other people’s mistakes, but you’re the one constantly expected to patch the holes. After a while, it stops feeling like support and starts to feel like a one-way bailout program you never signed up for.
And when you suggest a budget or financial counselor, they bristle. They don’t want advice—they want money, no questions asked. If they’re unwilling to grow or make changes while depending on your income, you’re not helping; you’re being used. Your financial future matters, and you deserve to protect it from the consequences of someone else’s irresponsibility.
4. They Expect You to Fix Their Problems
Every time life throws them a curveball—big or small—they come straight to you. Whether it’s a flat tire, a bad breakup, or a conflict at work, they offload the burden into your lap without hesitation. What’s worse is they rarely ask how you’re doing or whether you even have the capacity to help. Their default mode is dependence, not self-reliance.
Eventually, it wears you down. You begin to wonder how much of their life they’re actually managing on their own, and how much you’re still holding together behind the scenes. It’s okay to support your child in tough times, but it’s not okay to be their permanent solution. You deserve a life that isn’t always in response to their emergencies.
5. They Rarely, If Ever, Show Gratitude
You spend your time, money, and emotional energy helping them—and yet, a sincere “thank you” seems almost nonexistent. They might assume that because you’re a parent, you owe them your help. That entitlement can sting deeply, especially when you’ve gone out of your way to be there for them repeatedly. It begins to feel like your efforts are expected, not appreciated.
Gratitude is the foundation of healthy adult relationships. Without it, resentment can easily grow. When someone truly sees and values your contributions, they show it—not just in words, but in how they treat you and respect your limits. If your child fails to offer even the smallest sign of appreciation, it’s time to question what kind of relationship they’re building with you.
6. They Take Advantage of Your Time and Energy
You’re constantly rearranging your plans, canceling personal commitments, and staying up late to help them with something they should have figured out themselves. At first, it felt good to be needed. But now, it’s become clear that your schedule and needs come second to theirs—every single time. They expect you to be on call, without considering the toll it takes on your physical or emotional health.
And when you do try to take time for yourself, they make you feel guilty for not being immediately available. That’s not fair. You have every right to prioritize your own rest, hobbies, and relationships. Being a parent doesn’t mean being on demand 24/7 for the rest of your life. Your time is valuable, and you should be able to spend it how you choose.
7. They Ignore Your Boundaries
You’ve told them you need advance notice before visits, or that you’re not comfortable lending more money—but it doesn’t seem to register. They show up unannounced, push past your “no,” or twist your words to get their way. The more you try to assert yourself, the more they test your limits, almost as if your boundaries are a challenge instead of a line they should respect.
This creates a deep emotional strain. You start to feel like your home, your finances, and even your peace of mind are no longer fully yours. Setting boundaries is not an act of selfishness—it’s a necessary part of any healthy adult relationship. If your child consistently disregards yours, they’re showing a lack of respect that goes beyond simple carelessness.
8. They Assume You’ll Always Be There to Bail Them Out
They’ve made poor choices, and instead of owning the consequences, they fall back on you to clean up the mess. You’ve helped with everything from overdue rent to covering legal fees or taking care of their kids at the last minute. Each time, they assure you it’s “just this once,” but you’ve lost count of how many “last times” there’ve been.
At some point, it becomes clear that they no longer feel the urgency to learn from their mistakes—because they assume you’ll be there to shield them. That’s not love. That’s enabling. Helping someone grow sometimes means stepping back and letting them face the consequences. It’s hard, but it’s often the only path to real change.
9. They Keep You in the Dark About Important Decisions
They quit their job, maxed out a credit card, or broke up with their partner—yet you only found out after the fact. But somehow, when the fallout hits, they expect you to swoop in and help. It’s a dynamic where they get all the autonomy and you get all the responsibility, which is both unfair and emotionally manipulative.
You deserve more than just being the backup plan. If your child wants your help, they should also respect your input and perspective before making big decisions. When they exclude you until they need something, it suggests they don’t value your wisdom—only your resources. That kind of selective involvement is a red flag you shouldn’t ignore.
10. They Use Emotional Outbursts to Get Their Way
You’ve probably learned to brace yourself during conversations, because even the smallest boundary can set off a storm. Tears, shouting, blame—it’s all part of the strategy to wear you down and make you comply. It’s not that they can’t regulate their emotions; it’s that they’ve found emotional chaos to be an effective way to control the situation.
This kind of dynamic is emotionally draining and deeply unhealthy. You find yourself walking on eggshells, avoiding certain topics just to keep the peace. But this isn’t peace—it’s submission. Your home and your heart deserve better than to be manipulated by volatility. Emotional outbursts shouldn’t be used as tools for control in any relationship, especially with your child.
11. They Don’t Contribute When They Should
They might live in your home or visit frequently, but somehow the responsibilities fall entirely on you. Groceries, utilities, chores—if they’re part of the household, they should be contributing. But instead, they act like guests in a hotel where you’re the unpaid staff, constantly serving without acknowledgment.
This isn’t about being petty; it’s about respect. Adults contribute. They clean up after themselves, offer help, and show awareness of shared space. If your child is living like a teenager while you carry all the weight, it’s a sign that the relationship needs to shift. You’re not just a parent—you’re a person with your own needs and expectations.
12. They Play the Victim to Avoid Accountability
Everything is someone else’s fault. They didn’t get the job because the hiring manager was unfair. Their relationship ended because their partner was “crazy.” The credit card debt? Just bad luck. When you try to gently offer another perspective, they shut you down or accuse you of being unsupportive.
This mindset keeps them stuck—and keeps you stuck with them. If they’re always the victim, they never have to change. And if you’re always the rescuer, they never have to grow. Recognizing this pattern is the first step toward freeing both of you from a dynamic that drains your energy and reinforces helplessness.
13. They Expect You to Sacrifice Your Own Needs
You’ve postponed vacations, dipped into your retirement savings, and let your own health take a backseat—all to support them. And instead of gratitude, they respond with more demands. It’s as if your life is meant to revolve around their needs, indefinitely, without consideration for your well-being.
It’s time to reclaim your life. You deserve to thrive, not just survive in service to someone else’s comfort. Supporting your adult child shouldn’t mean putting yourself last. Love doesn’t mean sacrificing your own peace, health, or dreams. It means sometimes saying “no” so that both of you can grow.