Some social niceties rooted in tradition now feel stiff, exclusionary, or oddly out of step
Manners are meant to make others feel comfortable, but not every tradition carries well into today’s world. With shifting values and more casual communication styles, younger generations sometimes find old-school etiquette off-putting or unnecessary. What was once a gesture of respect may now seem impersonal or even patronizing. Understanding which customs feel outdated can help foster connection across ages, without clinging to rituals that no longer serve a shared sense of courtesy.
1. Insisting on formal titles instead of using first names comfortably.
Traditional etiquette often emphasized formal titles—Mr., Ms., Dr.—especially in conversations with older people or authority figures. That habit, once linked to respect, now feels stiff or hierarchical to many younger adults who value social ease and inclusive tone.
In relaxed settings like co-working spaces or community dinners, clinging to those titles can create unnecessary distance or even confusion. Opting for first names levels the field, suggesting shared purpose rather than status-grid protocol.
2. Expecting handwritten thank-you notes for every small gesture.
Handwritten thank-you notes, with their curled script and stiff card stock, once signaled polished gratitude. Today, they can feel performative or impractical, especially for brief favors like giving a ride or forwarding a link.
Most younger adults still believe in expressing thanks, but expect the format to match the moment. A quick, well-worded text or email often feels more sincere than a delayed envelope for low-stakes gestures.
3. Criticizing phone use at the table in absolute terms.
Blanket disapproval of phones at the table overlooks context. While scrolling through social media mid-meal may strike some as rude, younger generations often blur lines between digital and in-person interaction.
A phone on the table might hold directions, dietary questions, or a shared video to spark conversation. Reacting with sharp judgment can miss the intent—and close off moments of real connection.
4. Assuming younger people should always defer to older adults automatically.
Deference based strictly on age once signaled respectful upbringing—the quiet pause to let an elder speak, the agreement to avoid contradiction. That model assumes knowledge flows one way.
Younger people often value mutual exchange over automatic submission. In shared workspaces or family debates, they may prioritize fairness and relevance over hierarchical cues.
5. Calling instead of texting without checking if it’s a good time.
Placing a call without warning used to show initiative. But for younger adults balancing notifications, work rhythms, and social fatigue, unannounced ringing can feel abrupt.
A text first gives room to opt in and protect flow. A buzzing phone during a focused moment—like writing at a café—can jar more than it connects.
6. Commenting on someone’s appearance as a way to greet them.
Opening with a comment about someone’s outfit, weight, or hairstyle may have once signaled friendliness. But younger people often interpret these remarks as intrusive, especially when appearance wasn’t the focus of the gathering.
Greeting with objectifying observations can overshadow more meaningful engagement. A well-worn corduroy jacket might charm one person and embarrass another—it’s not always a safe springboard.
7. Speaking over people without acknowledging their input or presence.
Talking over others or steering the dialogue without pause often signals status in formal settings. But among younger groups with more conversational equity, that habit can silence voices meant to be heard.
Glancing past someone’s interjection may not land as confident—it can register as dismissive. In a collaborative space, sharing airtime suggests awareness over dominance.
8. Expecting others to follow rigid dining etiquette at casual meals.
White tablecloth polish doesn’t translate well to casual brunch spots or friend potlucks. Manners like knife-in-left-hand slicing or holding back elbows feel stiff at a counter-service café.
Younger people often tailor cues to context—using napkins but not fussing with salad forks. Applying strict etiquette in relaxed meals can alienate rather than impress.
9. Giving unsolicited advice as a show of good manners or wisdom.
Unasked-for advice—however gentle—often reads as a correction. When older etiquette frames it as kindness or wisdom, younger people may still hear criticism.
Tone plays a quiet role. Interrupted by advice while setting up a tent or picking out produce, someone might feel scrutinized instead of supported, especially if rapport isn’t strong.
10. Using dated gender expectations in introductions or social settings.
Traditional introductions that imply gender-based roles—offering seats, handshake styles, or calling women ‘ladies’—still linger in some habits. But today’s social norms often see those as prescriptive rather than polite.
Younger people may view such framing as outdated, even exclusionary. In a shared Lyft or at a gallery opening, rigid roles rarely suit the mood or company.
11. Insisting on guests finishing everything on their plate to show respect.
Pressuring guests to finish every bite reflects a time when waste felt disrespectful or indulgent. Today, dietary needs, preferences, and pacing vary too widely for one-size-fits-all hosting.
A guest might pause halfway through a curry not out of rudeness but because of spice level or fullness. Reading cue over custom keeps conversation comfortable.
12. Treating silence during conversation as awkward instead of thoughtful.
Pauses during chatter were once filled swiftly—small talk acting as conversational mortar. But many younger adults value intentional silence as part of thoughtful exchange.
Letting a moment breathe between topics, during a night walk or over tea, can signal attention rather than awkwardness. Sometimes, words land best when followed by quiet.