When the weight of disconnection becomes too much to bear.
Marriage is often thought of as a “till-death-do-us-part” journey, but for many men over 55, that journey can take an unexpected turn. In later life, some decide to end their marriages—not because they haven’t tried, but because new insights, unmet needs, or changing life circumstances push them toward a fresh chapter.
To better understand this, researchers have looked into divorce among older adults. In an AARP study, they surveyed over a thousand men and women ages 40 to 79 and explored why people in midlife and later years dissolve long-term marriages. In the sections ahead, we’ll explore the common reasons that lead many men over 55 to end their marriages.
1. They feel emotionally neglected in the relationship.
Emotional connection is the backbone of any strong marriage, yet many men over 55 report feeling overlooked or neglected by their partners. As life settles into routines, conversations may dwindle, affection might fade, and moments of intimacy become few and far between. Over time, this emotional distance can leave men feeling invisible, as though their presence in the relationship no longer matters.
This lack of connection often leads to a profound sense of loneliness, even within the marriage. Without open communication or attempts to rekindle intimacy, men may start seeking emotional fulfillment elsewhere or choose to leave entirely. The decision isn’t necessarily about anger or blame—it’s often about longing for a deeper connection that feels irrevocably lost within the current relationship.
2. They are dealing with unspoken resentment about past issues.
Unresolved conflicts and unspoken grievances can build up over the years, creating an undercurrent of resentment that poisons a marriage. Older men may feel burdened by unresolved issues that their partner either dismissed or never addressed. These unresolved moments can range from financial disagreements to feelings of betrayal or disrespect that were swept under the rug.
As men reflect on the past, this simmering resentment can surface in surprising ways, making it difficult to maintain a positive outlook on the relationship. For many, the realization that these old wounds will never heal is a wake-up call to step away and seek peace independently. According to Very Well Mind, leaving the marriage may feel like the only way to escape the emotional weight of a lifetime of unresolved disputes.
3. They feel a lack of physical intimacy and passion.
Physical connection is a vital aspect of marital satisfaction, and its absence can significantly impact a relationship. Many men over 55 express frustration or sadness over a dwindling sense of passion in their marriage. This isn’t just about sex—it’s about touch, affection, and the spark that makes a partnership feel alive and exciting.
When intimacy fades, men may feel rejected or undesirable, which can erode their self-esteem over time. Attempts to reignite the flame may fall flat, leaving both partners feeling disconnected and unfulfilled. For some men, this persistent lack of intimacy becomes a breaking point, prompting them to seek relationships where they can rediscover passion and physical connection.
4. They struggle with feelings of inadequacy that their partner amplifies.
Aging can be a vulnerable time, especially for men who grapple with career transitions, health changes, or shifts in their sense of identity. If a partner’s comments or actions seem to highlight or criticize these struggles, it can intensify feelings of inadequacy. For instance, jokes about retirement choices or subtle digs about physical changes can feel deeply wounding.
When these feelings of inadequacy are constantly reinforced, men may start to associate their marriage with pain and frustration rather than support and encouragement. The resulting damage to their self-worth can drive them to leave, seeking an environment where they feel valued and appreciated rather than judged or diminished.
5. They want to pursue unfulfilled dreams or new opportunities.
By their mid-50s, many men begin reflecting on their lives and questioning what they’ve achieved versus what remains undone. This can spark a desire to chase long-suppressed dreams, such as traveling the world, starting a business, or even embracing a simpler lifestyle. However, when these ambitions conflict with their partner’s goals or expectations, it can create significant tension.
For some, the allure of freedom to explore these dreams outweighs the comfort of staying in a marriage that feels restrictive. They may decide to leave, not out of resentment, but as a way to reclaim their sense of purpose and fulfill their own aspirations before it’s too late.
6. They feel unappreciated for their contributions.
Men often internalize a sense of duty in marriage, taking pride in providing for their families or supporting their partner in significant ways. However, when these efforts go unrecognized or underappreciated, it can lead to deep feelings of disillusionment. Over time, a lack of gratitude can feel like a lack of love, making men question their role and value in the relationship.
This isn’t about seeking constant praise but about feeling seen and acknowledged for their efforts. Without that validation, some men feel they are pouring energy into a relationship that offers little emotional return. This imbalance can eventually push them to seek a partnership where their contributions are truly valued.
7. They no longer feel aligned with their partner’s values or lifestyle.
Over decades, people grow and change, and sometimes those changes lead couples down diverging paths. Men over 55 may find that their values, priorities, or lifestyle no longer align with their partner’s. For example, one may want to downsize and embrace a minimalist lifestyle, while the other prefers to maintain a large home and busy social calendar.
These differences can create tension and lead to a sense of incompatibility that feels insurmountable. When the gap between their visions of the future becomes too wide to bridge, some men choose to part ways, believing that true happiness lies in pursuing a path that feels authentic to them.
8. They are dealing with midlife crises or existential questioning.
The phrase “midlife crisis” may sound clichéd, but for many men, it’s a genuine period of upheaval and self-reflection. Questions about purpose, legacy, and personal fulfillment often surface, prompting them to reassess their lives and relationships. For some, this introspection reveals dissatisfaction with their marriage, leading them to consider whether staying is truly what they want.
This phase is not necessarily about impulsive or reckless behavior—it’s about seeking meaning and clarity. Ending a marriage during this time may feel like a step toward aligning their life with their evolving sense of self, even if it comes at the cost of leaving a long-term relationship.
9. They feel burdened by their partner’s health or emotional issues.
Caring for a partner with chronic health problems or ongoing emotional struggles can be an exhausting and isolating experience. While many men willingly embrace this role, some eventually feel overwhelmed by the demands it places on their own well-being. Feelings of guilt and frustration often accompany this struggle, creating an emotional tug-of-war.
For some men, the strain of being a caregiver with little relief or recognition becomes too much to bear. They may decide to leave, not out of selfishness, but as a way to preserve their own mental and emotional health, especially if they feel their needs have been ignored for years.
10. They discover infidelity or betrayal.
Trust is a cornerstone of marriage, and discovering infidelity can shatter it irreparably. Men who uncover a partner’s betrayal—whether it’s a physical affair, emotional cheating, or financial deceit—often struggle to rebuild the relationship. The pain of betrayal, coupled with the fear of it happening again, can lead some to end the marriage rather than live with lingering doubt.
While forgiveness is possible for many couples, others find the breach of trust too significant to overcome. Men in this situation may feel that starting fresh is the only way to regain a sense of control and security in their lives.
11. They feel stifled by a controlling partner.
Control in a marriage can manifest in various ways, from micromanaging decisions to undermining autonomy. Men who feel consistently stifled by a controlling partner may grow resentful over time, as they feel their independence and individuality slipping away. This can create a dynamic where the marriage feels more like a prison than a partnership.
Breaking free from a controlling relationship is often seen as a way to regain their sense of agency and freedom. The decision to leave may stem from a desire to live authentically and make choices without constant interference or judgment.
12. They realize they’ve outgrown the relationship.
Growth is an inevitable part of life, but it doesn’t always happen at the same pace for both partners. Men over 55 may come to the painful realization that they’ve outgrown their marriage emotionally, intellectually, or spiritually. This sense of disparity can make the relationship feel stagnant and unfulfilling, prompting them to seek a new chapter.
Leaving under these circumstances isn’t about anger or blame—it’s about recognizing that staying together may hinder both partners from achieving their fullest potential. Though difficult, parting ways can sometimes be the most compassionate choice for both individuals involved.